Take the time to make a list of the discomforts you have so that you can learn to recognize and accept them when they appear. If you have question to ask, a story to tell, or a statement to make about family feel free to post. i just also find him a general pervert, looking and hitting my bum, or willing to help me fake tan my back, or walk in on me showering, etc. Most people are uncomfortable with emotions. Between you and the Scarleteam (user-to-staff discussion ONLY), Closed Circuit Staff/User Conversations, Newbieville (moderated user-to-user or user-to-staff discussion for new users), All the things (moderated user-to-user or user-to-staff discussion), https://www.safesteps.org.au/our-services/, https://services.dhhs.vic.gov.au/reporting-child-abuse. Want some support? Please know from the front that we're here to help in the ways that we can. According to international consultant, speaker, host, and best-selling author Ali Craig, however, there are plenty of indicators that someone may not be fond of you the way you are of them. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. And absolutely: we're here for you in this and are going to do all we can to help. Damasio, A. Lately Ive been worried that he might think i hate him because I never kiss his cheek or hug him, even a few days ago on my birthday. This is your dad you are talking about. Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. Does he roughly do things to you? But as adults, defenses often cost us more than they protect us. But if he touches you on inappropriate places, it's a sexual abuse and you need to tell someone. I feel bad for my dad. An affectionate parent can pat, physically play with, and wrestle with a child in ways that are simply off-limits with an adolescent. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. You should speak to a trained professional at the sexual abuse hotline and discuss your concerns. I don't know why. It's lurking at parties, when you meet someone who thinks a handshake is too formal. If you're feeling uncomfortable with the way he is touching you tell him. When I learned about core emotions and how to work with them, it was a revelation that changed my personal and professional life. Tell your dad that you don't want to be touched and that you please ask that he respects that. It depends on how he touches you, if it feels like a grabby, rubby sort of touch in areas that you think is sexual or even just on your arm or something, it could be sexual abuse. Okay. Is this normal? As a psychologist, Ive worked with hundreds of fathers, hundreds of wives of fathers, and hundreds of kids with fathers. this is the definition of sexual abuse. Let's share99.net learn more about Why do i feel uncomfortable when my dad touches me in this article Please share your stories, your questions, your histories, your fears and your triumphs. Sexual abuse can be like that, too -- more emotional and psychological than physical. as i said im just afraid as to what she would do to him, i believe she would not hurt me, so i am in no way fearing what she may do to me, and i beleive she would help me. Stay safe. if thats okay of course ? Our parents and society fail to educate us on emotions and how to maintain emotional health. i do feel weird if she hugs me but if i start it start like being touchy with . 3. There are a number of reasons why a person may appear to have a "commitment phobia" or be accused of being a serial dater; fear of intimacy may be one. i was very young i didnt know how to feel. To make matters worse, we are taught myths like: Emotions are for weak people and You can just get over it. I can feel the pain as we sit here. Do a mindfulness training. Less like "oh you gotta get treated!" The Healing Power of Emotion: Affective Neuroscience, Development & Clinical Practice (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). How Adolescence Intensifies the Parent-Child Relationship, The Badass Personalities of People Who Like Being Alone, Why Some Men Share Naked Pictures of Their Wives, Marriage Problems? His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. Im uncomfortable with intimacy as well. I don't think he had a crush on me but i think it was his way to show kindness to me. Mandyhaswifi July 20th, 2018 6:59pm But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever Im with him. by random7777 Sat Nov 17, 2018 2:15 am, Unread post There's nothing for you to be sorry about. by random7777 Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:02 am, Unread post I don't know if there is a lot that could be said about asexuality here, I think there is honestly too much static on your airwaves. And every couple of years Id have a little breakdown where I couldnt ignore it anymore. Even if your father means well, is/was not abusive, and is probably not to blame for emotionally neglecting you, the effects of the neglect on you are still powerful and important, and it is vital that you take them seriously. Why do I feel so uneasy around my father? he didnt sexually assult me but he touch me , i was 14 maybe i was so shocled i was empty i just sat there. I dont know if Im being overly sensitive to this or if theres some legitimate reason behind my feelings. But I feel sorry for him. Of course, no father is perfect, and no one expects perfection. but i beg its not what i want in my life to continue. And Id be on to other things with bells on, let me tell you. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. You need to start working on getting independent. More Posts. If someone touches you unwillingly, and in a way that you feel uncomfortable, then it is considered sexual abuse. by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 12:23 am, Unread post Human living requires working for self-care and social functioning. They may also show signs of immaturity or a lack of authenticity. If you are not aroused, your body is not connected with your mind during the act. Like the "caressing" of the cheek, or putting and arm around my waist or things like that. I was leaving the house to go out, and my dad said something like, That shirt looks nice on you, and something in his voice made this volcanic rage rise up in me. If it's usually around your chest or genital area,then that could be considered molestation and you need to tell someone you trust that this is happening. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, Im going to. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. People can accept their emotions by. If he grabs you by the waist, tickles, or slaps your behind show your opinion with a firm "Dad, I don't care for that. If your father is touching you in any kind of sexual way that is making you feel uncomfortable you should probably tells someone like a trusted adult. Dear Cary, I dont know if I was sexually abused by my father. Just like you learned in high school biology about your heart, lungs, and stomach, you can learn about your emotions and benefit your health and relationships. Okay, so to start with I'm going to lay a few options out there and we can talk about how you feel about them and which ones seem the most doable for you right now. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Salon.com, How to hear gods voice when making a decision. but the fact that i still love him a when i think bout it the feeling. He'll try to kiss me occasionally and I give him my cheek. It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions and Connect With Your Authentic Self. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety. If your father has spent your lifetime avoiding your feelings (and his), then he has unintentionally emotionally neglected you. Here are five signs you were emotionally neglected by your dad: You feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable when you are alone with your father; You feel that your dad doesn't actually know the real . He compliments you. also i think i shouldnt be feeling sad or angry or anything because so many more have it worse off and maybe i should just continue ignoring it since it isnt a big deal, im just unsure what will change if i were to talk to another family member about it. An imbalance of power in a relationship provides the foundation for all forms of verbal abuse. So that rage wasnt born in that moment, Im thinking. It might be some things we offer aren't within reach for you or aren't what you want: neither are anything you need to be sorry for. i always try so so so fucking hard to say sorry and show that i really mean it but i just cant. for some reason, I cringe and get EXTREMELY uncomfortable when my dad hugs me. Sadly, the majority of sexual abuse happens from people you know. my dad touched me. Remember, if you can keep some level of physical contact in place, then as the teenager grows older, and becomes more confident in being older, the acceptance, expression, and reciprocation of physical affection can open up again. Also, after puberty, when the need for physical privacy is increased, the teenager often wants parental touch to be more circumspect so it is not, however unintended, experienced as sexually obtrusive. And sadly, there is no way around it. That's sexual abuse. Is Your Relationship Stuck in an Impasse? Am I crazy? by random7777 Fri Nov 23, 2018 9:05 pm. Aggressive play isnt aggression; its play. I'm not twelve anymore!" He looked really hurt so I felt bad. Do you feel uncomfortable by the ways your father touches you? Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. It happened when I was 10. People often search for a diagnosis because they cant make sense of their emotional distress. and just in general men now ? Adolescent boys are particularly susceptible to giving up physical affection from parents because not only does that demonstration of caring feel childish, it also feels unmanly, at least according to the notion that to be a man means being proof against the childish need for parental touch. by Sam W Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:51 am, Unread post Have these incidents been pretty recent? But for the last 15 years or so (Im 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. An adolescent-assisted list of alternate conversation starters. If you think your father is well-meaning but lacks emotion skills, tryto improve your emotional connection with him. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition. All in all unwanted touching is still a bad thing and if it makes you uncomfortable and feel weird you should talk to him about it or tell someone of authority. And I love him. It depends what you mean. And Id be on to other things with bells on, let me tell you. Please don't let this continue if you don't want it to happen. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Life as someone who's not a fan of physical contact is tough. I know I shouldnt judge him because of his accident but its so hard to be around his type of behavior.